Ok, gonna be real here.
16 pounds. Doesn’t sound like a lot, really. Or does it? I guess it depends on what we are talking about. A 16 pounds steak? That’s a lot. A 16 pounds dumbbell, maybe not so much. But when it comes to losing weight, I guess in general there are a lot of people who want to lose 10 or 20 pounds and they feel that it is a ton. But when you have been closer to 170 pounds overweight, 16 pounds really isn’t all that much.
As of today – since December when I was at my lowest weight – I have gained 16 pounds. On one hand, that is just over three pounds per month and I have gained a lot more weight in a lot shorter time before. On the other hand… that is 16 pounds I’ve gained.
It is tough to know why I do this to myself. One day I am miserable and angry at myself and demanding I push through all the barriers and the next day I am saying “Eff it! Gimme all the foods!” What’s worse is that I know exactly how it feels to be 400 pounds. I know how miserable it is. I know how painful it is. I know how bad I feel physically, mentally and emotionally.
And yet that doesn’t always seem to be enough.
I really need to fix this. Sometimes I go for months or even years being healthy and feeling great, but that permanence just isn’t ever there. I know it’s a journey that never ends, but I sometimes feel like I purposely dig holes and put up walls to sabotage myself. But I need to find ways to get by without doing that to myself.
16 pounds lost sure would look better than 16 pounds gained.
Anyway, today wasn’t bad on the steps front. Nearly 24,000 and that was with missing out on one of my breaks. Tomorrow and Friday will be tough because we have rain so I probably won’t be walking to and from the train. But I’ll do as much as I can!
“If you can dream it, you can do it. Your limits are all within yourself.” ~Brian Tracy